I have decided I like writing about movies. Lucky you. But rather than wait until the end of the year again and write up one huge missive about everything I saw for 12 months like some fucked-up mental diarrhea Cliff's Notes version of War And Peace, I'm going to get it out in installments, probably in fits and starts, peppered throughout the year. Like some fucked-up mental diarrhea Cliff's Notes version of The Green Mile.
So, then, uh... yeah. Here we go...
The Rite: Oh, joy. Another non-scary exorcism movie. To be fair, what it lacked in actual fright it almost made up for in style. This movie was beautifully designed, lit, shot, and edited. Anthony Hopkins, unsurprisingly, turned in a great performance. So did that other guy. And this movie had 100% more Rutger Hauer than any other exorcism flick! Here's my question, though: was this an R-rated movie that got pressured into a PG-13 somewhere down the line, or was it always intended to be a watered-down film about finding one's faith with exorcism being the generic vehicle that gets us there? Maybe I'll see it again on video and pick up something I missed.
BONUS: Hopkins rears his head back (am I using that term right?) and screams "Baal!" exactly like Shatner screams "Khan!" I illogically choose to believe this was on purpose.
6 out of 10
The Mechanic: The opening sequence of this movie made me groan and shift uncomfortably in my seat. It was filmed and cut together like Michael Bay showed up and got his disease on it, or something. Herpes Simplex Bay. Basically it looked like more of a movie trailer than a movie- everything was a tracking shot that lasted no longer than 2 seconds and had that washed-out look. I thought to myself, "Self, this is going to be Con Air 2." But then the opening credits happened and holy crap! A good movie! Simon West must have decided to trust in the story and abandoned most of those lazy techniques for the remainder of the flick, or at least used them sparingly and intelligently. Now, Disclaimer: I'm not one of those Jason Statham man-crush guys that do their part to make the internet an uncomfortable place to play. I mean, he was good in Snatch, I sort of liked Crank, and... did I see The Transporter? I really can't remember. He was a waste of space in The Expendables... but to be fair, EVERYBODY was a waste of space in The Expendables. Anyway, I liked him quite a bit in this. He does that quiet loner thing really well. Also, Ben Foster managed to not overact for a change. You can literally see him holding back the urge a couple of times, but that fit in perfectly with his character. So, yeah- I liked this one. Reminded me of what I said last year about The Crazies- "Can't really put my finger on it, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. It ain't going down in history as a classic, and will probably be forgotten by this time next year, so I'm glad I caught this one while it was fresh."
No, I haven't seen the original.
7 out of 10
The Green Hornet: Somewhere, about 45 minutes in, this movie went from fun to confusing to boring. It shuffled those three things around for another 45 minutes before descending into "this movie's still going on?" Now, I want to blame this on miscommunication between the filmmakers and the studio (mostly because I like Michel Gondry and Seth Rogen), but I have no grounds to do so. I know nothing about the making of this movie, except for the basic rumors (unhappy studio execs, reshoots, release date changes, that sort of thing). Anyway, Rogen was fun throughout, channeling his inner "gee whiz" and Jay Chou actually managed to turn unintelligible into a viable art form. And yeah- those two had some real chemistry. But then Cameron Diaz showed up and managed to take that chemistry and turn it into remedial math. Seriously, why was she even in this movie? She brought nothing to the table and managed to grind even the weakest of pacing to a complete stop. Her character felt shoehorned in, like an 11th hour rewrite, or something- a perfect example of why I believe this movie was the victim of studio interference. And poor Christof Waltz. What a complete waste of talent. Olmos, as well. I keep forgetting he was even in the movie. Hell, Tom Wilkinson was there, too. What the fuck happened?
Oh, and I saw it in 3-D (was it even showing in 2-D anywhere?). A complete waste, yet again. Did absolutely nothing for the movie and didn't even look 3-D. When are they going to realize that post-conversion 3-D su-UCKS. Oh. Right. As soon as we stop paying for it. My bad.
5 out of 10 (because for a while there it was really, really fun)
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